A few years into my second divorce, I’m finding myself at an interesting intersection: My first marriage and divorce is diluted in my mind as I was (A) exceptionally young when I married and divorced, and (B) the process and ensuing contact over the years has been minimal at best. I’ve had non-marital breakups that were worse than what I experienced in my first go-round. Now as a middle-aged woman who shares three children with a man from whom I’m divorced, there’s an intricacy and intimacy to our post marital relationship I didn’t expect, and frankly, don’t know how to handle. Continue Reading
Recently I attended the funeral of my ex-step-father in-law. I’ll do the math for you: He was my ex-husband’s step-father and one of two grandfathers that my children knew. I realized long ago, learning how to do divorced was going to be an on-going exercise. Continue Reading
I’ve been a single parent since my kids were three and five, which means I’m used to orchestrating our vacations on my own.
We’ve had some disastrous vacations, like the one to the coast where the beach house we’d rented was so creepily isolated that I ended up booking a second place. What started out as a cheap and cheerful vacation rang in at just slightly less than what it would have cost us all to fly to St Tropez and vacation aboard one of those rented yachts. The SUV we’d rented to guide us on our travels arrived in terrible condition… and without GPS, and the beach was covered in dinner plate-sized jellyfish.
When you are faced with some sort of setback, be it divorce, a health crisis, the death of a loved one, or a natural disaster, very often it’s accompanied by financial stress. While this sucks mightily, it doesn’t have to ruin you. Here are some tips for averting a financial crisis when the rest of your life is running off the rails. Continue Reading
When I worked in banking, there used to be an area called Special Loans that dealt with companies that had breached the terms of their loan agreements. The men (and they were all men in those days) who worked there were a cross between your meanest high school math teacher and Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino.
On Mondays, I always attend a 9:15 am step class at my gym. I always set up my step in the same spot near the back of the room at the side. Last week, however, I arrived later than usual, and the only free space was at the very front of the room.
The thought of doing the class front and center really freaked me out. I was not born with the choreography gene that allows one to learn dance steps quickly.
One of my favorite memes is a picture from José Rodolfo Loaiza Ontiveros’s Profanity Pop series that shows several Disney princesses, sitting around a table looking depressed and drunk. In their midst sits painter Frida Kahlo. The caption reads, “That moment when they all realized Disney had been spoon feeding them the toxic love template since they were babies, and they called Frida Kahlo to come fix this %#&.” The truth is, as women, we’ve long been fed the princess narrative that when the going gets tough, some man will come along to save us. Continue Reading
We were at the pier in Provincetown, Massachusetts, and so, so young. I watched off to the side as my boyfriend negotiated with the street vendor and eventually wore him down.
“The guy wanted $10,” he told me, holding the kalimba in his hand as he walked back to me. I would have gone down to $6, but I got it for $4!”
I would have just pulled a $10-dollar bill out of my pocket because I hated to negotiate as much as it fueled him. Continue Reading