I’d be willing to bet that almost every woman over 50 has experienced the not so subtle shift that happens when men no longer give us the eye. Many of us feel like we’ve blended into the woodwork. If we want to be that woman who still has it going on, then for starters… We need to believe we are that woman.
Here are six tips to becoming that woman.
NO GRANDMA PANTIES: Even if you’re the only one who sees them, great lingerie helps define your mood and your confidence before you walk out the door. I’m not talking about thongs… eeew… but full panties with invisible grip edges that feel silky and… What about a leopard print?
My friend and celebrity makeup artist, Sandy Linter, in NYC.
UPDATE YOUR MAKEUP: Book a consultation with a makeup artist. (If you’re near NYC, LA or San Antonio… Let me know. I can tell you who to call.) Go to an upscale department store like Neiman’s, Saks or Nordstrom’s. Walk around the cosmetic department until you find a woman whose makeup you like and then ask her advice… Preferably not a young woman because they don’t understand older skin, no glitter, etc. Tell her you’d like a new “daytime look.” Don’t just nod your head and swallow everything they tell you. However…
It’s a double-edged sword. Don’t be afraid to tell them that look’s not for you. At the same time, don’t be afraid to try something new.
ALWAYS WEAR ONE THING WITH A WOW FACTOR: It could be a fabulous leather jacket, a pair of silver oxfords or a striking statement necklace… They can take blue jeans and a white shirt to a whole new level, plus they’re a conversation starter.
Like the oversized gilt and wooden rosary beads that usually hang from an iron rod in my bathroom. The full rosary is 66 inches PLUS the cross and the last few beads are another 10 inches. A friend and I went to a local jazz club, and I wrapped the rosary beads around my neck several times like a scarf with the cross hanging down. Women of ALL ages stopped me on the street or came by our table at the club to ask me about it. They LOVED it.
DITCH THE BIG BAG: I know I’ve said this before, but nothing says “older woman” like a big bag. Confident, hip women carry small to medium-sized bags, not totes that let you stuff them full until they become lopsided and lumpy. Big bags also add bulk, something most of us don’t need. And if you’re still carrying a paper calendar in that big bag… Go digital. You’ll never go back.
LEARN TO USE YOUR CELLPHONE: A continuation of “go digital.” Instead of pulling out paper pages from a big bag, women who carry their boarding passes, hotel reservations, concert tickets, etc., on their phones are perceived as younger than they really are. And it’s so much easier. You can also post these events to your calendar, add them to the “wallet” on your phone and set alarms for when you need to leave for dinner, etc.
DON’T SAVE YOUR BEST FOR “LATER”: I’ve read where women don’t dress for men. They dress for other women. The fact is we should be dressing for ourselves. By dressing for ourselves I don’t mean any old pants and sneaks when we go grocery shopping. Looking our best empowers us and gives us confidence, and that’s not something we want to turn off and on like a light switch. This time in our lives we should be giving ourselves some loving attention.
The finish on our fenders may have faded a bit, but…
We’re smarter and more confident than we used to be; we’re better able to articulate our wants and needs in an affective, nonthreatening manner, and we know what counts in life.
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixaby
If there was a magic time machine and I could turn back the clock, I honestly don’t think I’d be that Brenda, again. I like this Brenda. Other than thinning hair and some droopy jowls the main difference is now I’m better able to distinguish the things that matter from those that don’t, and never again will I waste my time on the wrong people.
16 Comments
I love this! I think the turning heads part is hardest on those who did turn heads. Having never been the prettiest in any room (nor the ugliest–just that forgettable middle), I’ve never turned a head in my life. My beautiful friends, though still beautiful, feel the cold shoulder in a way that I don’t because I’m used to it.
As for undies, I was in a mall some years back and looked in at Victoria’s Secret. I perused the sale table, and a salesclerk came to inform me that what was there was mostly for special occasions and that everyday bras were hanging on a wall. I was dumbfounded. I had lived in France for years by then and the idea of “everyday bra” doesn’t exist. Every day is a special occasion, if it means being a little fancy (crazy strapless things that defy gravity in somewhat uncomfortable ways would be the exception). The salesclerk might have been like a baker saying, oh, that’s the fresh bread, why don’t you have some of this stale stuff instead? NON MERCI!
TOF!! A Millennial said that no doubt…. I shouldn’t have said that… I’m judging them like I feel like they’re judging us. Not nice but that’s how I feel. A similar thing happened to me in Victoria’s Secret as well as Lululemon… I feel unwelcome. A year ago I decided to give LLL another try. Nothing had changed. No one approached me when I entered the store, and when I told a young salesclerk… who was just standing around… what I was looking for, she pointed to a wall on the other side of the room. Not very specific since there were lots of black pants. When I asked again I was begrudgingly told, “over there” where she pointed again… It didn’t narrow things down. xoxox, B
Great article, Brenda, especially about the granny panties! I love my luxe lingerie, and have found that beauty and comfort can, and do, coexist. I feel like a million bucks when that’s what I begin with!
XO
Donna, Great to hear! How can we feel like a million bucks if we know we’re wearing ratty old underwear? European women have the right idea when it comes to treating themselves to pretty lingerie. Maybe we should update our mother’s caution of “always wear clean underwear. You may have to go to the hospital.” Perhaps we should say, “Always wear beautiful lingerie. You never know when you’ll be stranded on a deserted island with Prince Charming.” xoxox, B
I OWN A PAIR OF LEOPARD PANTIES!THEY ARE MY FAVORITE!
YES, I understand what you are saying here………and I think I DO DRESS FOR MYSELF!
IT’s NOT hard to do and people seem to enjoy it!Yesterday a man in the grocery store stopped me because HE liked the assortment in my shopping cart!Told me I must be a FUN LADY!!!!!!
THAT made my DAY!It was not a PICK UP LINE he was just being nice and felt compelled to say something!
Two days ago at the DMV two ladies walked up to me from behind the counter saying THEY LOVED THE COLOR OF MY OUTFIT!Wanted to know what color I called it!CHARTREUSE was my answer!
XX
Contessa, Of all the women I know, you are the one who always dresses for herself, not caring what others will think. I love that quality about you. I’m there 75% of the time. The missing 25% is because I can’t afford and have no place to wear sequin pants and black suede, knee high boots and I don’t want to share my arms with the world, although they’re in FABULOUS shape for my age. Thank you for inspiring us all. xoxox, Brenda
What a great post! Great advice to spring into Spring and renew ourselves for the rest of the year….or rest of our lives. Glamma-Power!
Holly, Thank you! Here’s to GLAMMA-POWER!! xoxox, Brenda
I’ve gotten compliments on my clothing lately, as I’m taking the time to put outfits together (my oldest son has been and is still ill with autoimmune encephalitis and lives with us, so I was not interested for a while). But some days are still “sweats” day. I try to put on basic makeup, which is in reality a lot of product, because I’ve been there where I had no makeup on (some sunscreen usually) and I’ve run into people I know!. My younger son said the other day “Why do you where all that stuff?” I said I would not, except that it’s expected in society and I want to be a light in the world and that means I have to “fit in” to a degree. I have fair skin and delicate features, and even though I have really good skin at 60, I need make up to “show up”. I love that the other day at breakfast with a friend, from across the table she said “You look great without make-up”. So, that means it looks natural.
Cat, I’m sorry to hear about your oldest son. That must be so hard… on every level… for all of you. Brava for taking time to look good. It doesn’t matter if we’re just going to the grocery store, sometimes our self-esteem needs a boost and makeup, hair and a well coordinated outfit goes a long way toward doing that. For me, it’s not just that it’s expected to fit in… That I care nothing about. It’s totally for me. When I look better, I feel better. Thanks so much for your awesome comment. xoxox, Brenda
I love this inspiring post, and I needed this pep talk! Sharing to FB. Thanks Brenda.
That’s great Christina! I’m so happy to hear this! We need to lean on and encourage one another. Sometimes it’s a pep talk, other times it’s listening and asking questions that show we’re interested in the other person. What would I do without all of you to give me feedback? I’m so grateful. xoxox, Brenda
The bit about using my phone instead of carrying paperwork hit home with me. My phone baffles me a lot of times and I know it makes me appear older than my years. There are days I don’t put makeup on but I do where clothes that I am not ashamed to be seen in. Now as far as the panties go I don’t think I wear granny panties but husband does. I need to step up my game when it comes to panties. lol
Hi Victoria, I’ve been thinking about you and your husband. I know this is such a difficult time in your lives, but you can do this! You’ll get through it and come out on the other side. If you have an Apple phone, go to the Apple Store. They give free lessons on how to use it. Don’t want to put on makeup to run to the store? Wear something nice and a big pair of sunglasses! xoxox, Brenda
Brenda,
Thanks for inspiring me on so many levels………life is short, and we are so worth the efforts we make for ourselves. I am now following you and look for more laughter and inspiration from you here in Austin, Texas. I had the opportunity to live in NY on the Upper East Side two years ago when our daughter was hospitalized at Mt. Sinai, and I came away from that experience feeling like I needed to “up my game” in the wardrobe department. Thanks for your wonderful words of encouragement.
Thank you Suzanne! I’m happy you found me and left me a comment. I love Austin and am just down the road in San Antonio, but if you came from the Upper East Side of NYC… and felt like you needed to “up your game,” don’t let Austin push you off your game. Austin style is the polar opposite of NYC. Actually I upped my game because for the last two and a half years I was in NYC once a month and got to know lots of chic and wonderful women. They’re awesome! I hope your daughter is doing well. That must have been scary for you. Love having you as a reader and look forward to visiting with you again. xoxox, Brenda