Yes, I do know how you feel. I have had mornings when I woke up and thought, “I am getting up because?” and there was no answer. A vague empty, ‘what am I doing this all for’ feeling. Menopause and aging have something to do with it. Family and relationships have something to do with it. But most of all, I have to do with it.
The things I thought were so important are not as—or not at all—and I am redefining everything, particularly myself.
Getting ahead in a job, the go-getter, more money mentality has been replaced by “I just want some peace and to put food on the table. I don’t want a Mercedes-Benz or a trip to Paris. I’ll take a Netflix movie and a turkey on wheat, please.”
The family circus is replaced by, “I love you. You are in control of your own life, and I can’t fix it, make it right, or change it. I don’t even want to. I love you. If you need other help, I suggest you start with yourself.”
Our self-image changes. I am slowly and surely becoming less an object of men’s desires, and although part of me misses the attention, I am actually beginning to like it. I am more concerned with my outlook than how I look. My women friends are becoming more important, and I’m sorry it took so long.”
Relationship with our significant other: “Dear love of my life, I have a brain, a heart, as well as two breasts and a vagina. They all like attention, but if the brain and heart come second, the other two will not function properly, or at all. And just in case you hadn’t noticed, I now sometimes define pleasure as sipping coffee on the back porch, watching the sunset, the birds and the grass grow. With you.”
We are also facing our physical mortality. The knowledge of death is the blanket in which we wrap our life. Spiritually, we have all to come to terms with this in our own way. There is great beauty, pain and wonder in this journey.
There are no easy answers. I just want you to know that I’m a traveler, like you. I have my good days and bad days, and if you want to share either of them with someone, I’m here.