Many of you read my Big Life Changes post last week. I’ve decided to come out of my hiding, step out in faith and move back to New York City, returning to the business I started in over 38 years ago. A business that turns over young girls at a fast rate.
How many of you have spent years waiting for something good to happen? How many of you are so used to disappointment that you look over your shoulder when good things happen, waiting to “duck” life’s circumstances?
My decision to move back to NYC brought some big obstacles and hurdles I’ve had to navigate, but things are going so smoothly, I’m asking myself, “Where is the struggle?” This is a very different experience than what I’m used to. For years I’ve struggled with many things, often begging God to help me. One was selling my house in Florida.
Four years ago our home was on the market 15 months before my husband and I had even one offer, and it was much lower than we expected. While the house was on the market, the economy changed and the house’s value decreased. I felt helpless.
Selling that house was a mental and emotional struggle. Each day, as I scurried to clean it for the next showing, I thought, “Maybe this person wants my house, but where will I move?” Each time, with no buyer interest, it felt like rejection. Why didn’t they love my house the way I do?
Getting ready to move to NYC has been very different. After listing the house I’m renting here in Boulder, the first person who walked in the door rented it. No struggle there. The new lease takes effect in two weeks. Next I took stock of what I had to accomplish in these two weeks, from arranging a moving truck—easy—to deciding what’s imperative for me to have in NYC and what to leave behind or store… a bit harder.
Next I had to make the painful decision to leave my 10-year-old Chocolate Lab with her favorite pet sitter, whom she loves. The pet sitter happened to be looking to adopt a dog, so it fell into place. No struggle there, either.
My last obstacle will be finding the right apartment in NYC. As I sit here and write this—by faith—I know I will find it, and it will all work out.
So each day, I pack by faith, leaving this security nest that has been so healing for me, and trust in a new place that awaits me in the city where I was so successful 35 years ago.
How many of you are struggling with something? When things don’t go our way, it’s a painful lesson in patience. As you’re waiting, and you read or hear that others have had success, it can make things even harder, but take heart, and have courage!
13 Comments
I love this as I am rightSMACKTHEREinTHEMIDDLEoftheSTRUGGLE.
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Wishing you the best as you continue this transition, Kim. I once heard Cheryl Strayed (author of Wild) say, “sometimes you have to break your own heart to get what you want.” (Paraphrase – that may not be exactly it!) But her point was well taken …. even the best changes come with sadness and a grieving. I am excited for you. NYC is where I would live in a heartbeat if other considerations (family, money) were not a factor. So I completely understand THAT part of your decision!! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
So far, it sounds like it’s all working out for you Kim. I hope you find a fabulous apartment in NYC. Best of luck!
So many changes are manageable but sometimes some big changes like moving takes all our managerial skills to take the leap!
A teacher I love uses the metaphor of upstream vs. downstream. When things are downstream I know I’m going the right direction. The minute I feel myself paddling, struggling… I need to take a moment, breathe, let the boat turn downstream, and go in that direction. Best of luck!
Kim, we all wish you so much success in this next stage of your life and are so pleased you are taking us along through your writing. I think we have seasons in life: some hard, others restorative. I think the ease you find now indicates that you are in a season that will restore your happiness, your career and your spirit. xo
I have learned that there is something great in every struggle, I can live in misery or hope. I lived far too long in misery. Screw that…There is so much left for us to do. I sometimes think if my life hadnt fallen (apart? together?)I wouldn’t have grown the way I have. Starting over at 60 has been no fun when I look at my friends lives who are traveling and loving grand kids…..but starting over at 60 when I look at my friends with far worse problems is a piece of cake.
Donna, I couldn’t have described my life any better if I’d tried. Brenda
I’m struggling with loneliness but not in that way I want people to “feel sorry for me” or think I’m somehow “lacking” — I chose this. I chose to be rid of drama and chaos in my life and have more control over what happens to me. It’s not easy being The Only One – everything falls on your shoulders. But, after 2 years of not writing, I’m finally writing another novel – I’m paying my mortgage (barely! 😀 ) – I’m learning to repair things around my little log house and in my old car – I’m caring for myself in ways I never have before, and I realize how much I needed to be alone so I don’t entangle myself in someone else’s life before I know what’s next in mine. Lovely blog. Thank you. And you go! Risks can be terrifying but – well, why not?
Our beloved house, the one that we built after purchasing the land, the one where my son grew up, where we had friends and family over. The one that’s our dream house. It’s been on the market for over two years. The market is terrible here. The buyers ask for the moon. No sale. It’s been over 2 years now and it is a dagger every time they comment on it. I love my house. I’ll miss it terribly. This is making it so hard. I’m so glad to read this piece, to know someone else went through the same thing.
Pure Joseph Campbell, Follow your bliss. Hope you’ve seen the interviews he did decades ago with Bill Moyers. He said when we follow our heart, our deepest heart, put in the work, helping hands appear, doors open, there is a flow to everything going better than imagined.
I can see his smile now, with your story.
Have experienced it in my own life.
Garden & Be Well, XOT
I can’t wait to see you on the pages of the glossies again, Kim!
Kim,
I’ve been hoping to find my next place to live for a year now. It’s been full of disappointment and feelings of anger and betrayal, but I think I’m on the right path. I hope you feel all of the support from women around the world who, in many ways, identify with where you are in life, and are cheering you on.
XOXOX,
Brenda